Untangling the Taboo: Co-Ed K-Pop, Dating Bans, and the Bottom Line
- lewishooper1
- Aug 23
- 4 min read
Co-ed K-pop's secret: Is dating too costly for stardom? We uncover the reality of being a K-pop trainee and whether they will ever be able to date.
The K-pop industry has been gaining more global attention in recent years, due to its renowned knife-like choreography and smooth, high-pitched vocals. Entertainment companies and record labels, because of this, have snagged top talent even before they start elementary school, so that they can control and "train" them in dance, vocals, rap, modelling, performance, and acting. So basically, training them young to become a star that’ll make the company heaps of cash.
But there’s a small subsection within the industry that graces the front headlines of the daily entertainment or general section itself (other than the ridiculous "slave contracts"): Dating Scandals.
The Ultimate Dating Ban
Before we dive into the layers of dating restrictions within the K-pop industry, it's crucial to understand one fundamental truth: Trainees and idols devote their entire lives and careers to becoming artists.
They certainly aren't in it for the money; they accrue massive debt long before they ever earn minimum wage. Fame? Perhaps, but that's an elusive dream unless they debut with one of the "Big 3" companies (SM, JYP, and YG). Even then, this isn't your typical Got Talent or X-Factor shot at stardom, which we have seen countless times leading to nothing further down the line, and often the runner-ups of these talent shows outperform the winners.
Becoming a K-pop idol demands an insane amount of passion, dedication, and perseverance, coupled with a myriad of challenging factors:
Constant public scrutiny and judgment.
Enormous, ever-growing debt dictated by their companies.
Complex, often love-hate relationships among trainees and fellow idols.
A pervasive lack of security in every aspect of their lives.
These are all important factors within the harsh framework of becoming a successful debut K-pop idol—a path only the exceptionally strong can endure. Yet, even with these unrealistic and toxic standards, it paradoxically becomes another reason why these individuals can't seem to find time for themselves, let alone a private life. The question asked by many is that if you want to be in the public eye, then all aspects of your life should be open to the public.
The All-Consuming Grind
Picture this: a life where you practice 16+ hours a day, every single day. This is the reality for K-pop trainees, locked in a constant love-hate struggle with their craft, all for the slim chance of debut. This relentless system utterly consumes any hope of a personal life, and is one of the causes for these co-ed groups not being able to date.
When you're spending the majority of your day perfecting a five-second dance move, surrounded by others just as driven, socializing simply isn't on the agenda. There's no time, or even motivation, to build and maintain relationships. Their devotion to a prospective career leaves no room for anything else. Ask yourself this, 'Would you really want to date someone who has no time for you?' The life of a K-pop idol is a relationship within itself.
The Company Dating Ban: Crushing the Fantasy
K-pop companies famously forbid artists from dating, especially as they gain fame. This isn't for the artists' benefit, but the shareholders'. A relationship shatters the "fantasy"—the core of an idol's appeal, particularly to passionate young fans, and this has been proven to be true even in the Western music industry, especially with bands.
The industry actually thrives on fan interest. Idols constantly perform "fan service", from showcasing on stage romantic gestures at fan signs, often taking on the role of fans' "significant other". When a relationship surfaces, the idol's perfectly crafted image crumbles. Overly-attached fans feel cheated, seeing their emotional and financial investment unreciprocated, and often leave the fandom.
Companies mean while have continued to invest millions in the aspect of their "products"—from appearance (plastic surgery) to personal relationships. This control creates a false "perfection", the recipe for a successful group. The stark truth is, shareholders invest for profit. It's business, not a non-profit at the end of the day. Ask yourself this: "A K-pop trainee wants to become famous and have success, so surely this relationship is a two way streak?"
Dating Scandals: A Manufactured Outrage
It has often been said that a dating scandal which surrounds a K-pop idol or trainee is just another entertainment headline with little to no meaning behind it.
Some insiders in the past have confirmed that company whistle-blowers actually feed the press false rumors about their idols, in order to bring them more public attention, which inevitably leads to more interest in the idol, and therefore more money for the company.
One clear cause is the "perfect" image companies construct for their artists. By placing them on an unreachable pedestal, they've effectively objectified human beings into dolls for the adoring public to play with, with no regard for the artist's actual feelings or well being.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this highly sensitive and controversial topic, so leave a comment below for the Dojeon team.
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